Most people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love.
Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color - you have to feel it know what it is. The reason it is hard to define real love is because you cannot experience it with your mind, and definitions are of the mind. Real love is a feeling that is the result of your intention to BE LOVING.
This very different than the intention to BE LOVED. The desire to be loved comes from the ego wounded part of ourselves, the part that believes we need to get love from others in order to feel filled and worthy - that real love is something we get rather than something we are and something we share.
This is what creates the confusion regarding love.
Real love is what you are - what your soul is - a spark of the Divine within. Love is what God/Spirit is. When your deepest desire is to be loving to yourself and others, this desire opens your heart and you become filled with the love that is as ubiquitous as the air you breathe. This is real love - the experience of Spirit that fills the emptiness within and lets you know that you are never alone.
Real Love in a Relationship
What about real love with another person? How do we know when we are experiencing real love?
Real love is what we experience when two or more people come together with open hearts already filled with love, and the love from their hearts overflows as it is openly and joyously shared.
If you come to a relationship with a feeling of emptiness and unworthiness, you cannot experience real love. Real love is not the cake - it is the icing on the cake. The cake needs to be the love that comes through you from Spirit, and the icing is the love you share with another or others.
If you expect another's love to be the cake, then you will not experience real love, because you are coming from a closed heart and inner emptiness. REAL LOVE DOES NOT NEED ANYTHING FROM ANOTHER PERSON. It is like a waterfall flowing down inside from Spirit, filling the lake within and then flowing out in rivers and streams as it is shared others. However, when the heart is closed, then the lake is empty and becomes like a bottomless sinkhole, desperately attempting to suck love, attention and approval from others.
If you want to experience real love within a relationship, then you need to open - through your desire to BE LOVING - to unconditional love coming through you. You need to invite God-which-is-Love into your heart and become filled with it.
The challenge here is that you cannot desire to GET LOVE and BE LOVING at the same time. The intent to get love will always lead to a closed heart and controlling behavior, which shuts out love. The intent to be loving and to learn what is loving to yourself and others in any given moment is what opens the heart. When you choose the intent to be loving with yourself and others, you will experience real love.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Happiness - Just How Do You Do It?
In one of my personal development workshops I get my students to close their eyes and imagine, in vivid detail, one of their happiest memories, and to fully re-living it in that moment. It is amazing to witness the instant transformation in their facial expressions and body language as their nervous systems kick back into happy mode. I then ask them what actually changed in the outside world while they were doing that. Of course the answer is nothing, but isn't it interesting how easily they were able to access deep feelings of joy without there having to be an outside cause?
When was the last time you felt really happy for no reason whatsoever?
The term 'The Human Race' is very apt because metaphorically speaking we seem to think of our happiness as being out there in front of us and that we must race to catch up with it. We use language like 'chasing our dreams', and 'the pursuit of happiness', which on the surface seems like very exciting things to be involved in, but it also presupposes that happiness is somewhere off in the distance and that we are lagging behind. We immerse ourselves in an "I'll be happy when..." mentality, in which we are convinced that happiness will arrive in the form of that next promotion, or the bigger house, the perfect relationship, or that lottery win.
We also tend to think of happiness as being an 'it' - a something that has a form - like one day there will be a knock at the door and the FedEx guy will say "Hi, who's gonna to sign for this box of happiness?"
But look at a child. Children are much smarter than adults when it comes to being happy. For them it is just a state of being. They don't place conditions on when they will and when they won't feel it. As long as they're not hungry, in pain, or being told off, they are happy. It's their default program. And it is meant to be your default program too. The thing is, at some stage in a child's development they start copying what the adults do. They buy into our cultural idea that, actually, you can't just have your happiness, you have to earn it. You have to prove that you are worthy of it. If you work hard enough at working hard then one day just might get lots of nice things that will 'make' you happy, but you have to deserve it.
Of course we all know what happiness feels like, and we do encounter many happy times throughout our lives - marriages, births, birthdays, holidays, parties... It can even take us by surprise sometimes, like when you are out in nature and suddenly you are filled with a strong and comforting sense of connectedness with the world around you. This kind of happiness is great, but it is a fair weather friend; it comes when the going is good and shoots off again when the party is over. But a lot of people settle for it because they're promised to a more permanent kind of happiness - they just have to wait for the future to arrive!
The real truth about happiness is that do not have to wait for it happen to you. You do not have to be in the right place at the right time. You do not have to keep gambling with life until it comes knocking at your door. You have all the resources you need already within you to turn it on at will. It's like a switch. If you are stood in a darkened room you have the choice to flick the switch and turn the light on, but in order to do that you must first know that the switch is there and that you have the ability to control it.
Your happiness switch is exactly the same. You must recognise that it there for you to use at any moment and that you can control it with the belief that it is only ever your thoughts and attitudes that light up your world.
Happiness brings with it the kind of creativity, openness and clarity that makes any task seem almost effortless. Work stops feeling like work as soon as you go about your business with a genuine inner smile. But why do most people find this so hard to do?
It's because somewhere along the line we learned that we cannot be truly happy unless there is a reason to be happy. We introduce criteria that must be met before we will allow ourselves to let happiness in and feel ok about having it. Some people have even learned to attach guilt to their happiness. "Why should I feel happy while others still suffer?"
There's a very quirky thing about us humans, and that is that we can become very suspicious of other people who do not appear to have a good enough reason for their blatant displays of happiness. Whenever someone asks how I am I will usually say something like "I'm great" or "fantastic", to which the next question is often "Why, what's up?" I'll say "Nothing, I just feel good", and then enjoy the confused look on their face as they let out a slow "Riiiiiiiiight!"
The thing that really throws a spanner in the works of the common belief about happiness is that actually you can have it whenever you want it, and you don't have to do a thing to earn it. Because 'it' isn't an 'it' at all, it's a function of the human condition that serves a very practical purpose. As Michael Neil would put it, to ask if you deserve happiness is like asking if you deserve a nose. "Well....eeerrrrr.... I have a nose, but I don't know what I've done to deserve it". It sounds silly, doesn't it?
The key to having your happiness now rather than later is to know that happiness is not something that happens to you, it is something that you do. You must let go of the idea that happiness is a reward for good behaviour or that you must be worthy of it. You must also accept that your happiness is not on that ship that you're waiting on to come in. It is the ocean in which the ship sails, so if you want it, dive in and learn how to swim. In other words, your life is your happiness and you just need to start responding more happily towards it.
Numerous scientific studies into whether success leads to happiness shows that there is no quantifiable evidence to suggest that it does. What has been highlighted though, is that people who already experience high levels of happiness are significantly more likely to become successful later. Interesting! Happiness leads to success, not the other way around. Who'd have thought?
What this tells us is that genuine authentic happiness is unconditional. It is not out there. It is in here, and always has been. Happiness is only ever the result of your attitude and your behaviour, and learning to nurture it unconditionally gives you much more than just a good feeling; it makes your whole life run a lot smoother. That's nature's plan.
The only reason you ever need to be happy is that it allows you to get things done in a really efficient way. The most successful people learn to master the simple notion of being happy in the moment, not just because it feels good, but because being happy puts them into their most resourceful and productive state. I consider happiness to be a vital tool in the work I do because I am committed to producing the best quality output I am capable of. I know I can only achieve that if I am in a happy mood. Whether I'm running a workshop, writing an article, recording some audio, or coaching someone one on one, I will always spend a few moments up front getting myself into a happy frame of mind, because that's how I need to be for my best work to come out. Things just seem to flow better, I'm more creative, I see the bigger picture, and here's the really interesting bit, I encounter fewer obstacles.
I have spent countless hours studying the different philosophies about what happiness is and, while the various teachings use different kinds of language and terminology, they all agree that happiness does not wait on time, it waits on welcome. You may as well just open the door and let it in because it's already here, just waiting for your invitation.
"But hang on a minute, Paul. Surely it's unrealistic to be happy all the time. What about when you really do have problems. Sometimes, things just piss you off. That's life!"
Absolutely, life happens, and it doesn't always happen the way we want it to. It is the most natural thing in the world to feel unhappy, angry or sad in certain circumstances, and it is right and proper that we do feel that sometimes. But the problem comes when we habituate into these negative feelings; when being pissed off or grumpy becomes your standard response to most things.
There is nothing that you can achieve in an agitated frame of mind that you cannot do better with happiness.
There are two things you can choose to do to enjoy feeling more happiness more often.
1. WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Just like happiness, all feelings have a practical purpose, even the bad ones. They are signals from you unconscious mind as to whether or not life is happening the way you want it to. Bad moods are not designed to just give you the experience of feeling miserable. If you listen closely to what they are telling you then you will always be able to find a much quicker route back to happiness. Negative emotions are like the warning lights on the dashboard of you car. They are a call to action. When the petrol light comes on, that is not a signal for your car to become depressed, it is a sign that action needs to be taken to get fuel. When you add more petrol the light goes out. The moment you bring your conscious attention to the cause of the feeling, and realise what actions needs to be taken to redress the balance, then its job is done. It no longer serves any useful purpose.
It is critical to acknowledge all of your feelings and not to mask them with a fake happiness. If you just cover them up with a painted-on smile then their simmer will turn into a boil and eventually the pot will overflow. Remember, they have a message they want you to know about, so stop and take the time to listen. Ask yourself, "Why might I be feeling like this in this situation? What is it trying to suggest?" And it's important to focus on the areas in which you have an element of control. It is no good to say "Well, it's suggesting that Bob is a pillock!" Get clear about the steps that will lead you away from frustration and toward a solution that feels better. As soon as you get an answer then exercise whatever control you have and decide to let go of the negativity around it. Ask yourself the question, "Now that I know what to do to sort this out, is it possible and acceptable for me to do it happily?" You'll be surprised how easy it is when you are willing.
2. GET TO KNOW THE PHYSIOLOGY OF HAPPINESS
Happiness has two parts: the internal experience of joy and the physical aliveness in your body. You've probably noticed that when you are down your body language becomes an outward symbol of how you feel inside. It becomes slouched, tensed and heavy and lacks signs of energy. When you are happy you stand taller and have a more open airy posture. Often the quickest way out of a negative mood is simply to move and adopt a more empowering body language. This sends a very clear signal to your brain that it is time to start feeling happier. Try this out for yourself the next time you are being a bit of a grump. Stand up straight, stick your chest out, and put a deliberate smile on your face. Your nervous system can only respond in a positive way to this kind of instruction from your physiology, that's just the way we work!
When was the last time you felt really happy for no reason whatsoever?
The term 'The Human Race' is very apt because metaphorically speaking we seem to think of our happiness as being out there in front of us and that we must race to catch up with it. We use language like 'chasing our dreams', and 'the pursuit of happiness', which on the surface seems like very exciting things to be involved in, but it also presupposes that happiness is somewhere off in the distance and that we are lagging behind. We immerse ourselves in an "I'll be happy when..." mentality, in which we are convinced that happiness will arrive in the form of that next promotion, or the bigger house, the perfect relationship, or that lottery win.
We also tend to think of happiness as being an 'it' - a something that has a form - like one day there will be a knock at the door and the FedEx guy will say "Hi, who's gonna to sign for this box of happiness?"
But look at a child. Children are much smarter than adults when it comes to being happy. For them it is just a state of being. They don't place conditions on when they will and when they won't feel it. As long as they're not hungry, in pain, or being told off, they are happy. It's their default program. And it is meant to be your default program too. The thing is, at some stage in a child's development they start copying what the adults do. They buy into our cultural idea that, actually, you can't just have your happiness, you have to earn it. You have to prove that you are worthy of it. If you work hard enough at working hard then one day just might get lots of nice things that will 'make' you happy, but you have to deserve it.
Of course we all know what happiness feels like, and we do encounter many happy times throughout our lives - marriages, births, birthdays, holidays, parties... It can even take us by surprise sometimes, like when you are out in nature and suddenly you are filled with a strong and comforting sense of connectedness with the world around you. This kind of happiness is great, but it is a fair weather friend; it comes when the going is good and shoots off again when the party is over. But a lot of people settle for it because they're promised to a more permanent kind of happiness - they just have to wait for the future to arrive!
The real truth about happiness is that do not have to wait for it happen to you. You do not have to be in the right place at the right time. You do not have to keep gambling with life until it comes knocking at your door. You have all the resources you need already within you to turn it on at will. It's like a switch. If you are stood in a darkened room you have the choice to flick the switch and turn the light on, but in order to do that you must first know that the switch is there and that you have the ability to control it.
Your happiness switch is exactly the same. You must recognise that it there for you to use at any moment and that you can control it with the belief that it is only ever your thoughts and attitudes that light up your world.
Happiness brings with it the kind of creativity, openness and clarity that makes any task seem almost effortless. Work stops feeling like work as soon as you go about your business with a genuine inner smile. But why do most people find this so hard to do?
It's because somewhere along the line we learned that we cannot be truly happy unless there is a reason to be happy. We introduce criteria that must be met before we will allow ourselves to let happiness in and feel ok about having it. Some people have even learned to attach guilt to their happiness. "Why should I feel happy while others still suffer?"
There's a very quirky thing about us humans, and that is that we can become very suspicious of other people who do not appear to have a good enough reason for their blatant displays of happiness. Whenever someone asks how I am I will usually say something like "I'm great" or "fantastic", to which the next question is often "Why, what's up?" I'll say "Nothing, I just feel good", and then enjoy the confused look on their face as they let out a slow "Riiiiiiiiight!"
The thing that really throws a spanner in the works of the common belief about happiness is that actually you can have it whenever you want it, and you don't have to do a thing to earn it. Because 'it' isn't an 'it' at all, it's a function of the human condition that serves a very practical purpose. As Michael Neil would put it, to ask if you deserve happiness is like asking if you deserve a nose. "Well....eeerrrrr.... I have a nose, but I don't know what I've done to deserve it". It sounds silly, doesn't it?
The key to having your happiness now rather than later is to know that happiness is not something that happens to you, it is something that you do. You must let go of the idea that happiness is a reward for good behaviour or that you must be worthy of it. You must also accept that your happiness is not on that ship that you're waiting on to come in. It is the ocean in which the ship sails, so if you want it, dive in and learn how to swim. In other words, your life is your happiness and you just need to start responding more happily towards it.
Numerous scientific studies into whether success leads to happiness shows that there is no quantifiable evidence to suggest that it does. What has been highlighted though, is that people who already experience high levels of happiness are significantly more likely to become successful later. Interesting! Happiness leads to success, not the other way around. Who'd have thought?
What this tells us is that genuine authentic happiness is unconditional. It is not out there. It is in here, and always has been. Happiness is only ever the result of your attitude and your behaviour, and learning to nurture it unconditionally gives you much more than just a good feeling; it makes your whole life run a lot smoother. That's nature's plan.
The only reason you ever need to be happy is that it allows you to get things done in a really efficient way. The most successful people learn to master the simple notion of being happy in the moment, not just because it feels good, but because being happy puts them into their most resourceful and productive state. I consider happiness to be a vital tool in the work I do because I am committed to producing the best quality output I am capable of. I know I can only achieve that if I am in a happy mood. Whether I'm running a workshop, writing an article, recording some audio, or coaching someone one on one, I will always spend a few moments up front getting myself into a happy frame of mind, because that's how I need to be for my best work to come out. Things just seem to flow better, I'm more creative, I see the bigger picture, and here's the really interesting bit, I encounter fewer obstacles.
I have spent countless hours studying the different philosophies about what happiness is and, while the various teachings use different kinds of language and terminology, they all agree that happiness does not wait on time, it waits on welcome. You may as well just open the door and let it in because it's already here, just waiting for your invitation.
"But hang on a minute, Paul. Surely it's unrealistic to be happy all the time. What about when you really do have problems. Sometimes, things just piss you off. That's life!"
Absolutely, life happens, and it doesn't always happen the way we want it to. It is the most natural thing in the world to feel unhappy, angry or sad in certain circumstances, and it is right and proper that we do feel that sometimes. But the problem comes when we habituate into these negative feelings; when being pissed off or grumpy becomes your standard response to most things.
There is nothing that you can achieve in an agitated frame of mind that you cannot do better with happiness.
There are two things you can choose to do to enjoy feeling more happiness more often.
1. WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Just like happiness, all feelings have a practical purpose, even the bad ones. They are signals from you unconscious mind as to whether or not life is happening the way you want it to. Bad moods are not designed to just give you the experience of feeling miserable. If you listen closely to what they are telling you then you will always be able to find a much quicker route back to happiness. Negative emotions are like the warning lights on the dashboard of you car. They are a call to action. When the petrol light comes on, that is not a signal for your car to become depressed, it is a sign that action needs to be taken to get fuel. When you add more petrol the light goes out. The moment you bring your conscious attention to the cause of the feeling, and realise what actions needs to be taken to redress the balance, then its job is done. It no longer serves any useful purpose.
It is critical to acknowledge all of your feelings and not to mask them with a fake happiness. If you just cover them up with a painted-on smile then their simmer will turn into a boil and eventually the pot will overflow. Remember, they have a message they want you to know about, so stop and take the time to listen. Ask yourself, "Why might I be feeling like this in this situation? What is it trying to suggest?" And it's important to focus on the areas in which you have an element of control. It is no good to say "Well, it's suggesting that Bob is a pillock!" Get clear about the steps that will lead you away from frustration and toward a solution that feels better. As soon as you get an answer then exercise whatever control you have and decide to let go of the negativity around it. Ask yourself the question, "Now that I know what to do to sort this out, is it possible and acceptable for me to do it happily?" You'll be surprised how easy it is when you are willing.
2. GET TO KNOW THE PHYSIOLOGY OF HAPPINESS
Happiness has two parts: the internal experience of joy and the physical aliveness in your body. You've probably noticed that when you are down your body language becomes an outward symbol of how you feel inside. It becomes slouched, tensed and heavy and lacks signs of energy. When you are happy you stand taller and have a more open airy posture. Often the quickest way out of a negative mood is simply to move and adopt a more empowering body language. This sends a very clear signal to your brain that it is time to start feeling happier. Try this out for yourself the next time you are being a bit of a grump. Stand up straight, stick your chest out, and put a deliberate smile on your face. Your nervous system can only respond in a positive way to this kind of instruction from your physiology, that's just the way we work!
Sunday, 25 October 2009
5 Proven Methods to Quickly Save Your Long Distance Relationship
All relationships need work to keep them going, even if your partner lives right around the corner. But when you have lots of miles, or states, or even an ocean that separates you, it can make the relationship difficult to survive. Fortunately, successful long distance relationships can work. Here’s how to learn how to make your long distance relationships work too.
* It’s an absolute must to talk EVERY day. You need to communicate in any way you can - everyday. More than once if it’s possible. This helps keep the emotional connection together.
* You should set up phone dates. This is just as important as a regular face to face dates. You both have to take this seriously. When you have your phone date, make sure all of your concentration is on your partner.
* Share time together on the internet. Get a game that can be played together on the internet. You can chat while playing and this will help keep the feeling of togetherness alive.
* Use the mail to send each other scented clothes. The power of smell can keep the intimacy between you growing, and build anticipation to see each other as soon as possible.
* Both of you should get a webcam. There’s nothing better than to see each other while you chat. Just to see his or her smiling face will do wonders for the both of you.
These are but a few things you should do to keep long distance relationships going in the right direction. But keep in mind that all relationships need work.
Finding out that your partner has cheated on you, or has had sex with someone else could happen. By following the points given here, you will help prevent any of that happening to you.
* It’s an absolute must to talk EVERY day. You need to communicate in any way you can - everyday. More than once if it’s possible. This helps keep the emotional connection together.
* You should set up phone dates. This is just as important as a regular face to face dates. You both have to take this seriously. When you have your phone date, make sure all of your concentration is on your partner.
* Share time together on the internet. Get a game that can be played together on the internet. You can chat while playing and this will help keep the feeling of togetherness alive.
* Use the mail to send each other scented clothes. The power of smell can keep the intimacy between you growing, and build anticipation to see each other as soon as possible.
* Both of you should get a webcam. There’s nothing better than to see each other while you chat. Just to see his or her smiling face will do wonders for the both of you.
These are but a few things you should do to keep long distance relationships going in the right direction. But keep in mind that all relationships need work.
Finding out that your partner has cheated on you, or has had sex with someone else could happen. By following the points given here, you will help prevent any of that happening to you.
10 Dating Tips For Guys
Dating has been observed lately as more relaxed and informal. As a part of the male species, this is a sign that dating has opened its doors for you. Now, dating would be less difficult to do. To make thing easier for you, here are the 10 Dating tips for guys. Read on.
Tip #1: Try to look your best.
Remember that a date, especially the first date, is the time for fist impressions, which they say, will last forever. Try to achieve a cool, confident look by knowing what to wear. The casual look is the first choice of many, but it really depends on the clothes that you are comfortable wearing. Be it a t-shirt, polo or jacket, what matters most is the fact that it is ironed and not wrinkly, has zero dirt stains and looks perfectly good on you. Now that you have an idea on what to wear, let's go to the scent.
According to dating experts, a guy's smell will either increase your points or turn-off a girl. Be it a cologne or perfume; make sure to spray on the right amount and at the right places! Spray a moderate amount on the sides of your necks, wrist and chest. Brush your teeth, style your hair (or get a descent haircut), bring a handkerchief (especially when you're eating out), cut your nails and check your face in the mirror. Now, you're ready to go!
Tip#2: Be on time.
Patience may be a virtue, but being late is rude and a sign of being uninterested. Have a list of "things to do" to be aware of time. If the girl is late, try telling her to make up for it by buying you a drink, bit in a teasing and gentle voice.
Tip#3: Find the best place.
You and your date should agree where to go beforehand. As an alpha male take control and have a plan where to meet. Suggest a coffee shop, the fair or even a local eatery that is cheap but serves good food. If it seems that the two of you have different ideas, try to compromise. Let her decide and the next date will be yours. Just remember to find a place where the two of will be comfortable while having fun at the same time.
Tip#4: Mind your manners.
All the things that your mom taught you about etiquettes are helpful during a date. Show her that you are a gentleman by opening the door car, pulling a chair for her to sit down. Use your utensils properly and eat with grace. Believe me; all of these will matter to her.
Tip#5: Make sure you can spit good game.
Nobody likes a boring date, so make an effort to communicate with her. Remember that you are not here to impress her, but to get to know each other. Ask her questions and let her ask you the same things. Say the right thing at the right place. If it's your first date, then try avoiding topics like your ex, her ex, politics and other embarrassing questions.
Tip#6: Be spontaneous.
The best dating tip for guys that I can give is to be spontaneous. Don't be too conscious and keep thinking about what will happen next. Stop asking yourself if she's having fun.
Be laid back and most of all be relaxed. Everything will fall into places, as long as the two of you are having fun.
Tip#7: The payment method.
Usually, the men pay the bill. But there are always instances where girls prefer to shoulder the expense. On a first date never take her to the fine restaurant and spend gobs of cash. A cup of coffee and a cheap lunch is the way to go. When the bill comes just say, "Don't worry I got it's no big deal". You only take your girlfriend to a nice restaurant and even then only take her once and awhile.
Tip#8: Make the Best of your date.
Every date should be memorable, so try to make the best out of it. How to do it depends on you and your girl. Make her feel special, as it will guarantee a follow-up date.
Tip#9: The Kissing game.
Now, here's the most asked dating tip for guys, should I kiss my date? The answer still lays on you, my friend. You must look for some signals she may be transmitting such as; she's looking at you with an intense gaze, she licks her lips while looking at you, she laughs as everything you say, or she does the hair toss. These are all signs she is interested and a kiss is right around the corner.
Tip#10: The Phone Call.
There are some rules that say you should wait two days. There is nothing wrong in calling her the following day but don't make a big deal out of it. As a confident man you move through life at your pace. As far as what to talk about simply pick up from the last conversation you had with her the day before so it's still fresh in her mind.
Tip #1: Try to look your best.
Remember that a date, especially the first date, is the time for fist impressions, which they say, will last forever. Try to achieve a cool, confident look by knowing what to wear. The casual look is the first choice of many, but it really depends on the clothes that you are comfortable wearing. Be it a t-shirt, polo or jacket, what matters most is the fact that it is ironed and not wrinkly, has zero dirt stains and looks perfectly good on you. Now that you have an idea on what to wear, let's go to the scent.
According to dating experts, a guy's smell will either increase your points or turn-off a girl. Be it a cologne or perfume; make sure to spray on the right amount and at the right places! Spray a moderate amount on the sides of your necks, wrist and chest. Brush your teeth, style your hair (or get a descent haircut), bring a handkerchief (especially when you're eating out), cut your nails and check your face in the mirror. Now, you're ready to go!
Tip#2: Be on time.
Patience may be a virtue, but being late is rude and a sign of being uninterested. Have a list of "things to do" to be aware of time. If the girl is late, try telling her to make up for it by buying you a drink, bit in a teasing and gentle voice.
Tip#3: Find the best place.
You and your date should agree where to go beforehand. As an alpha male take control and have a plan where to meet. Suggest a coffee shop, the fair or even a local eatery that is cheap but serves good food. If it seems that the two of you have different ideas, try to compromise. Let her decide and the next date will be yours. Just remember to find a place where the two of will be comfortable while having fun at the same time.
Tip#4: Mind your manners.
All the things that your mom taught you about etiquettes are helpful during a date. Show her that you are a gentleman by opening the door car, pulling a chair for her to sit down. Use your utensils properly and eat with grace. Believe me; all of these will matter to her.
Tip#5: Make sure you can spit good game.
Nobody likes a boring date, so make an effort to communicate with her. Remember that you are not here to impress her, but to get to know each other. Ask her questions and let her ask you the same things. Say the right thing at the right place. If it's your first date, then try avoiding topics like your ex, her ex, politics and other embarrassing questions.
Tip#6: Be spontaneous.
The best dating tip for guys that I can give is to be spontaneous. Don't be too conscious and keep thinking about what will happen next. Stop asking yourself if she's having fun.
Be laid back and most of all be relaxed. Everything will fall into places, as long as the two of you are having fun.
Tip#7: The payment method.
Usually, the men pay the bill. But there are always instances where girls prefer to shoulder the expense. On a first date never take her to the fine restaurant and spend gobs of cash. A cup of coffee and a cheap lunch is the way to go. When the bill comes just say, "Don't worry I got it's no big deal". You only take your girlfriend to a nice restaurant and even then only take her once and awhile.
Tip#8: Make the Best of your date.
Every date should be memorable, so try to make the best out of it. How to do it depends on you and your girl. Make her feel special, as it will guarantee a follow-up date.
Tip#9: The Kissing game.
Now, here's the most asked dating tip for guys, should I kiss my date? The answer still lays on you, my friend. You must look for some signals she may be transmitting such as; she's looking at you with an intense gaze, she licks her lips while looking at you, she laughs as everything you say, or she does the hair toss. These are all signs she is interested and a kiss is right around the corner.
Tip#10: The Phone Call.
There are some rules that say you should wait two days. There is nothing wrong in calling her the following day but don't make a big deal out of it. As a confident man you move through life at your pace. As far as what to talk about simply pick up from the last conversation you had with her the day before so it's still fresh in her mind.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls: 3 Simple Ways To Flirt With Any Guy In Any Situation
Ever the wallflower when it comes to parties and social gatherings? Don’t you just wish you could actually make any guy fall head over heels for you? Fortunately, it’s not too late to change yourself as long as you learn a few flirting tips for shy girls.
These flirting tips for shy girls will help you become a more empowered woman. All you need is a little push in the right direction and you’ll no longer have to spend the night sulking miserably in one corner.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 1: Start Slow.
It’s best to begin with baby steps. Don’t force yourself to act like a diva on your next night out. You might end up embarrassing yourself.
Start with perfecting your smile first. If you’re assigned to a table, try smiling at those sitting next to you. Maintain eye contact and hold your smile a little longer for the guy you’re interested in.
Don’t panic if they don’t reciprocate the same level of interest you’re giving. You’d be surprised to know that most of them are just as shy as you are.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 2: Make Yourself Approachable.
Smiling also makes you look more approachable to guys in general. If you find it difficult to make the first move, your dazzling smile will handle that situation for you.
Don’t just stand in a corner either. If there is a buffet table, help yourself to a few portions. The buffet table is always a great place to start conversations.
When a guy falls in line behind you, why not ask him about the catering service, such as “Have you tried the punch yet? I heard it’s really delicious!” Guys are really into girls who can not only initiate a conversation but hold one up as well.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 3: Communicate With Gestures.
Subtle signals like flipping your hair can drive a man wild. Just don’t overdo it though. Flip your hair as elegantly as you can.
Also, you can try touching his hand or arms briefly as if to express a point. Being in close proximity with another man also conveys that you’re into him. Just don’t invade his personal space too much.
These flirting tips for shy girls are designed for beginners. There’s nothing wrong with that because these tips actually form the foundation of your growing confidence. Once you have mastered these moves and conversation starters, you’ll be more comfortable dabbing into the more advanced flirting moves.
These flirting tips for shy girls will help you become a more empowered woman. All you need is a little push in the right direction and you’ll no longer have to spend the night sulking miserably in one corner.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 1: Start Slow.
It’s best to begin with baby steps. Don’t force yourself to act like a diva on your next night out. You might end up embarrassing yourself.
Start with perfecting your smile first. If you’re assigned to a table, try smiling at those sitting next to you. Maintain eye contact and hold your smile a little longer for the guy you’re interested in.
Don’t panic if they don’t reciprocate the same level of interest you’re giving. You’d be surprised to know that most of them are just as shy as you are.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 2: Make Yourself Approachable.
Smiling also makes you look more approachable to guys in general. If you find it difficult to make the first move, your dazzling smile will handle that situation for you.
Don’t just stand in a corner either. If there is a buffet table, help yourself to a few portions. The buffet table is always a great place to start conversations.
When a guy falls in line behind you, why not ask him about the catering service, such as “Have you tried the punch yet? I heard it’s really delicious!” Guys are really into girls who can not only initiate a conversation but hold one up as well.
Flirting Tips for Shy Girls # 3: Communicate With Gestures.
Subtle signals like flipping your hair can drive a man wild. Just don’t overdo it though. Flip your hair as elegantly as you can.
Also, you can try touching his hand or arms briefly as if to express a point. Being in close proximity with another man also conveys that you’re into him. Just don’t invade his personal space too much.
These flirting tips for shy girls are designed for beginners. There’s nothing wrong with that because these tips actually form the foundation of your growing confidence. Once you have mastered these moves and conversation starters, you’ll be more comfortable dabbing into the more advanced flirting moves.
Monday, 19 October 2009
Dating Advice During My Teen Years
So, I sought the advice of my father. He told me that there were norms that were followed about dating during his teenage years. In his generation, girls were modest, sweet things and easy to please. They laugh at your corny jokes. You're a gentleman with good intentions if you open the door for them, or pay the dinner bill. I could not comprehend him, but I realized that dating now is more complex than during his time.
I learned that through the years, it is still the same, one can't get enough dating advice. Everyone's dream is to find the perfect partner, but this is not going to happen. However, there are various means to find your soulmate. You can do this by getting help from a dating coach who will give you the dating advice that you need for a reasonable fee. It is worth it if they answer all your questions on dating.
There are many available professional dating coaches on dating/personal online. Can these dating coaches help you, find a partner for you. Take it from me, they did for me. I have the love of my life now through the online dating site. I met my love via the Internet and it was a match made in heaven. As I said earlier, don't look for the perfect one, but the right one, one who would match your needs.
We chatted and emailed each other online for at least a month before we met each other. We found out that we were truthful to each other, so we know what to expect from one another. If it happened to me, it can also happen to you.
Dating coaches online is effective. Right from the very beginning when you avail yourself of the dating advice online, know what you want. Is it a long time relationship, a casual or discreet one or someone for amusement? What do you want, looks or character? There are many dating sites to choose from. Get the one that will satisfy your needs.
Even single parents are helped by some dating sites online. Believe me, what really matters is that whatever dating advice you get from the dating coach, honesty is the best posture to take for yourself or for the one you are looking for so that you will not be disappointed in one another.
Dating is something which takes time to develop between two individuals, so get advice and put in the needed work to find that someone special.
I learned that through the years, it is still the same, one can't get enough dating advice. Everyone's dream is to find the perfect partner, but this is not going to happen. However, there are various means to find your soulmate. You can do this by getting help from a dating coach who will give you the dating advice that you need for a reasonable fee. It is worth it if they answer all your questions on dating.
There are many available professional dating coaches on dating/personal online. Can these dating coaches help you, find a partner for you. Take it from me, they did for me. I have the love of my life now through the online dating site. I met my love via the Internet and it was a match made in heaven. As I said earlier, don't look for the perfect one, but the right one, one who would match your needs.
We chatted and emailed each other online for at least a month before we met each other. We found out that we were truthful to each other, so we know what to expect from one another. If it happened to me, it can also happen to you.
Dating coaches online is effective. Right from the very beginning when you avail yourself of the dating advice online, know what you want. Is it a long time relationship, a casual or discreet one or someone for amusement? What do you want, looks or character? There are many dating sites to choose from. Get the one that will satisfy your needs.
Even single parents are helped by some dating sites online. Believe me, what really matters is that whatever dating advice you get from the dating coach, honesty is the best posture to take for yourself or for the one you are looking for so that you will not be disappointed in one another.
Dating is something which takes time to develop between two individuals, so get advice and put in the needed work to find that someone special.
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